I decided to start this blog as a way to put all my thoughts down about going back to college after being out of school for 22 years. Today I took a chance and decided to inquire about online universities. It wasn't my first time. I have done it probably a hundred times since I started using the internet many years ago. I didn't know if I really wanted to go back to school and get my degree for the right reasons. So all those times I just 'x' -ed out of the sites and went on with life, hoping I would get back to school someday.
Well today is that day, it would seem. I just received a phone call about my application and admission being approved for a university's online Bachelor of Arts in Social Science w/ Education Concentration. If you haven't guessed, I thought I would be a teacher. Funny enough, I have always been a teacher in my life. Now, maybe if this all goes well, I can be a certified, official teacher with a real degree behind me. The woman I spoke with, CN, as I'll call her, was helpful, nice and very happy that I would be returning to school. She even said that I am her favorite type of student because I wanted to achieve a goal not just a job. And I guess that's all very true. I never could understand why it upset me so much that others had a college education and I had one semester of college back in 1988. Such a long time ago, it seems now. Back then, we didn't even have computers in our classrooms, much less the idea that someday there would be online courses and degrees. Anyway, I was never jealous of others' things they had. I never wanted more than my husband and our daughter (18 going on 19 this year!), theater, acting, writing and being with my family and friends. But as the years rolled along with jobs and responsibilities, I started to lose out I guess in ways I didn't comprehend back then in '88. It wasn't just losing out on job opportunities, becoming alot of 'temp' managers and such because I didn't have the degree, no, it seemed like it was so much more than that as I got older.
Last year, we sent our daughter off to college in New York City. She was studying acting, dancing and singing. She is a beautiful singer and actress, however she dropped out after one semester and again, I got thinking. I did all this work with her through school, helping with assignments, working on papers and work with others, too, throughout the years, and finally, I think I'm ready to face my fears that I won't be good enough. Or that everyone around me, who supports my intellect and asks me questions about everything from social security, fixed income living to paying online bills to social groups, writing, and such, is just being nice when they say 'you're smart', 'this will be easy for you'. Maybe, all that experience I received from years of the working world will help. I have dedication, determination and ambitious. That's for sure. I started a community-based theater group at 18 years old. We perform shows and events all over my homestate and region. I developed and organized (with help from my family and friends) a street fair for two years in my hometown, wrote for local newspapers as a columnist and reporter, and even did a sales job at a retail store in the mall (and became 'temp' manager for a while). I did write and published five books, and wrote and performed over 100 theater productions. Maybe, going back to school, would be possible.
So here I am. Classes start on Sept 28th and I'm still terrified that I won't live up to others' expectations. As to my own, I hope college will help me live up to those, too. Maybe, it can even help me with some self-esteem issues. Do I think college will help me live my life better? I don't know, but what I do know is, I am excited and looking forward to the new experience. I'm even excited to do homework! Now, you really know I'm 40...til next time.