"I never know what I think about something
until I've read what I've written on it"
This is how I feel today. In my new class (going into our 2nd week) I am supposed to start developing my Reflective Paper. This paper is in essence a nightmare. I love to write and I have already written the outline, a draft and find some resources. Okay, so maybe I've becoming anxious again, but honestly, write about my entire life experience to this point and then include what my future goals are? Are they crazy? My life experience as with everyone is vast, complicated and interconnected. This paper which should be about 7-10 pages long (maybe, because no direction was given on that), has to include all of these things and be reflective on my life so far. I would rather go across hot coals with bare feet at this moment. Reflecting is great in small doses and such, but to reflective on my entire life!!!! This is torture. Not to mention, what really bothers me is the fact that I keep finding negative things that pushed me forward. The positive things I have experienced like my husband and our daughter and friends are there as well, but they seemed overshadowed by my parents, my childhood and such. Okay, so how do I outline this?
As you can probably tell, I'm a bit frustrated. I can sit at the computer for hours and still be no where closer to my assignment being done than if I didn't sit here.
That quote above is so much my thought today...how do I know what I think about my life until I read what I wrote. Unfortunately, I haven't really written it all. I wrote a draft that I don't like and an outline that is unrealistic to jam into a paper. So now what?
I am going to break away for a while and not think about it. Perhaps have a drink and calm down. Watch a movie or something. I need to get away from this reflecting on my life 'stuff'. Maybe, I will gain a better perspective later or tomorrow...I hope so.
On another note, our daughter, who is 18, burned her hand at work and had to be taken to the emergency room last night. She will be fine, the burns are bad, but not extreme. I was happy for that much. I feel so bad for her that she has trouble swallowing medication, like aspirin, to counteract the pain. My heart goes out to her. My little girl. I hope she is feeling better soon. Luckily today she was not in pain anymore so that's good, but the entire experience has been frustrating to her (with Worker's Comp rules). She is a strong person though and will get through this. Every day I remember how fortunate I am to have such a loving, wonderful husband and that we have such a loving daughter. All of that makes the frustration of this assignment go away. Just wanted to express my feelings about that.
Until next time...